When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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