3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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