You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
