Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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