I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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