I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
