So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
