Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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