I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
