Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
