I just made out with a guy for $7.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
