i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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