I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were trust falling into bushes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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