Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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