Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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