I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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