How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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