my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
