I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
