So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
