we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
