I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
