i jhust puked up my retainher.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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