dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
