The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
