I just saw a hot homeless man
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
