the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
