tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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