wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
