I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
