Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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