why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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