I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
