I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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