you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
