question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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