He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
