apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
