thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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