I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
