in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
