Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
