I cockslap morals
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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