Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
