You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The struggles of a small town man whore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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