still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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