fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
false alarm, still single
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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