No subtext here. People are naked.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
