he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
