where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
