Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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