does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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