I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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