I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
