When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
