New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
